My Almost Ex Read online

  I smile and feel as if I should send Adam an “I love you” text as I slide in just in case I never return from this adventure.

  Having no other choice, I buckle my seat belt and keep my eyes closed for the majority of the ride to Lake Starlight.

  The receptionist at Dr. Ramirez’s old office was right. There is a waterfall in the middle of the reception area. There’s also an entire area for kids to play, and the walls are painted to depict Dr. Seuss stories. Dori tries to go in the back, but the receptionist stops her. I politely give my name, and the receptionist smiles while telling me it’ll be a moment.

  “This is impressive,” Ethel says, glancing around. “Stella and her partners did a great job.”

  Dori smiles proudly. “I know. You see those paintings in the children’s area? My Liam did those.”

  “He’s so talented.”

  “So who is Stella married to?” I lean forward to look at Dori. Although I’ve heard of the Baileys, I don’t know them personally. Although after reading Buzz Wheel, the online gossip blog in Lake Starlight, sometimes I feel like I do.

  “Oh, she’s not married just yet. They’ll be married next year. Kingston, my youngest grandson.”

  “The firefighter?” I ask.

  She nods again, a proud smile overtaking her entire face. “They have the sweetest love story.” She elbows Ethel and winks. “Another second chance young love story.”

  I’m sure these two feel as though they pushed Adam and me together, but I think we’re just fated to be with one another.

  A woman comes out of the back and says, “Lucy Greene?”

  “I’ll be back,” I say, standing.

  “Oh, we’ll just go say a quick hello.” Dori stands.

  “I can do this myself. I’ll tell Stella to come out.” They walk over to the woman and give them my name.

  I raise my hand behind them and the nurse smiles at me.

  “Hey, Sarah.” Dori walks through the door to the back without the nurse inviting her.

  Obviously this isn’t the first time Dori’s barged in.

  “Hi, Dori,” Sarah says. “Why don’t you two sit right out here and I’ll check Lucy in? After Stella sees her, you two can come in and say hello.” The nurse points at a seat for two near the nurses’ station.

  “I guess so.”

  Ethel and Dori sit down where they’re told, already chatting with the other nurses about someplace called Sweet Infusion and their donuts.

  “Thank you,” I mouth to Sarah, then she leads me farther down the hallway.

  “Step on the scale for me.” She motions to a scale and I do as she asks. “We’re used to Dori. We actually refer to that chair as her and Ethel’s.”

  “Like a time-out chair?”

  She laughs, jotting down my weight. “Pretty much. They don’t much care for HIPPA guidelines. You should see when the Bailey kids come in. She’s pushier than Ethel.”

  “Oh, just wait. Ethel will surprise you.”

  Sarah laughs and I follow her down the hallway to a room way too close to the Dori-and-Ethel chair. Ethel waves at me and I smile back. They’ll probably have a glass to the door within minutes.

  Once we’re in the room, I go over my symptoms with Sarah and she gives me a gown to put on, leaving the room for me to disrobe.

  I take off my clothes at warp speed and put on the gown, then sit on the bed with the paper blanket over my legs. I have no doubt Ethel and Dori won’t sit there like altar boys and the last thing I want is to flash the entire office.

  A soft knock on the door sounds a couple minutes later. I’m pleasantly surprised that I didn’t have to wait long, but then Ethel’s face pops through the opening. “We worried we missed her.”

  “Nope.” I shake my head. “I’m pretty sure you’d see her before I would.”

  She’s about to shut the door when a woman comes up behind her. “Ethel?”

  “Stella!” Ethel opens the door wider and steps into the room, using the excuse that she had to let Stella in.

  Stella is stunning. Her cheekbones are high and her dark umber skin glows. And of course when she smiles, the entire room lights up. No wonder she won over a Bailey. She’s beautiful.

  “I take it this is your granddaughter?”

  “In-law,” I correct.

  “Oh, I think it’s safe to say the in-law gets dropped in their minds.” Stella hugs Ethel and leads her out of the room with a gentle hand on her back. “I’m just going to talk to Lucy for a minute. Why don’t you join Dori on the chair?” She shuts the door behind Ethel.

  “You’re a master at that,” I say.

  She laughs, sanitizes her hands, and shakes mine. “I’ve had my fair share of practice, believe me. I’m Stella.”

  “Hi. Lucy.” I smile.

  “Nice to meet you. So tell me what’s going on. I’m almost positive the call I received this morning isn’t accurate.” She sits at the computer and presumably pulls up my new patient file.

  “I don’t even want to ask what you heard.”

  She chuckles. “That you’re bleeding, and you just recently got back together with one of Ethel’s grandsons and she’s worried he may have hurt you while you were having sex.”

  “Seriously?” My mouth drops open.

  “The game of telephone with Dori and Ethel is a dangerous one, I assure you.”

  I shake my head.

  “Why don’t you tell me your version of what’s going on?” Her soft smile sets me at ease.

  “Okay, well, I have an IUD because I have bad periods and I haven’t bled at all since the first month, but I had some bad cramping last night. And disclaimer, I did have sex with my husband, but I’ve been having sex with him for a while now, so I don’t think that’s it. And then I was bleeding this morning. I guess it kind of scared me.”

  She types away on the computer. “Who put your IUD in?”

  “I was in Idaho.”

  She nods and types, then swivels her chair my way. “Why in Idaho? Did something happen or did you two recently move up to Alaska?”

  My shoulders sag. “Well…”

  I tell her my entire sordid story about leaving Adam and my memory loss and why they put the IUD in when I had always been on the pill previous to that. Eventually the conversation returns to Dr. Ramirez. Stella nods a lot and smiles when a nervous laugh escapes me. The story sounds made up, as though I’m talking about a book or some soap opera.

  She stands afterward and pulls out the dreaded stirrups. “Okay, I’m going to do an exam on you. I’ve already asked Sarah to call over to Dr. Ramirez’s office for your file. We’ve had a lot of patients come over from there, so we should be able to get it right away. This way we can see where things were a year ago.”

  “I can get my records from Idaho too if you need them. I’d just have to call my mom.” Which I don’t want to do, but I will.

  “We might need them, but let’s start here first. Since you can’t remember your medical history, I want to make sure all is well today, and I can get Dr. Ramirez’s files pretty quickly. If I don’t find your IUD I’m going to send you down for a pregnancy test since there would be no way of knowing how long it’s been out and you’ve been sexually active.” She pops her head out of the room. “I’m just examining her now, ladies, so hold up a few minutes, okay?” She closes the door and turns to me again.

  “Do you have a lock on that door?” I joke although I’m happy the table doesn’t face the door at least.

  “I’d need a dead bolt and an alarm to stop those two. I swear they’re like elderly MacGyvers who can pick locks.” She assists me with putting my legs up in the stirrups and asks me to slide down the table so far I fear I’m about to fall off. “Dori has some magic way of getting into one of my fiancé’s sister’s houses. It’s a running joke in the family. She’s caught them one too many times in the kitchen.”

  Listening to her talk relaxes me. After she finishes the exam, she slides back and takes off her gloves before he
lping me up.

  “I don’t see your IUD, which means it probably fell out.”

  “From having sex?”

  She laughs. “More than likely not. It was probably already becoming dislodged and maybe that was the final thing to do it, but most times, there’s not a reason. I want to make sure it’s not in your uterus though, so I’m going to have you go to the ultrasound room. By the time you’re done, I should have your records and we’ll see where you want to go from here.” She leans on the desk for a moment. “We could put in another IUD if you’d like, if everything’s okay, or if you feel as though you’ll remember the pill, we could choose that again. But just sit tight for a second while I arrange the ultrasound. We’ll get this all sorted.” She heads for the door but turns around. “And I’m not telling Ethel anything, so it’s up to you if you want her to know.” She winks like she understands what I’m going through.

  Once she’s gone, I hop down and grab my phone, messaging Adam that the IUD is missing and they’re doing an ultrasound. He tells me to keep him informed and apologizes for Ethel and Dori, as always.

  Sarah comes back in five minutes later and walks me to the ultrasound room. I’m still wearing the gown, and Ethel and Dori watch me pass.

  “She has a nice figure,” Dori says to Ethel.

  “No wonder Adam can’t keep his hands off her and they’re in this predicament.”

  My face heats, but Sarah is nice enough to pretend she didn’t hear them.

  An ultrasound tech welcomes me into the darkened room and Sarah shuts the door when she leaves. Man, my vagina is getting the whole workup today. Last night it got plenty of attention from Adam, and now Stella’s said hello. Soon the ultrasound tech, Kit, will pay her a visit. The joys of being a woman. Modesty has no place here.

  Twenty minutes later, I’m back in the exam room, waiting for Stella and trying to decide if I should get another IUD or go back to the pill. The IUD was much easier than the pill, but if Adam and I want to start a family, then I don’t need something semipermanent inside me. Though I’m probably rushing things thinking about kids. Hello, he was going to divorce me only seven weeks ago. But Adam’s always wanted a family of his own. I could get the IUD out in a year. I shake my head, trying to clear my racing thoughts. I’ll just ask Stella for guidance when she comes back.

  Someone knocks on the door and Stella comes in, shutting the door behind her. She sits on her chair and I detect something different in her demeanor this time. She’s not as smiley as she was the first time we met.

  “So good news, we didn’t see the IUD on the ultrasound. You more than likely dislodged it and maybe never saw it in the toilet.”

  “Last night?”

  “My best guess is that it was at least a week or more ago, which is why you’re spotting. Can I ask you a question, Lucy?”

  I don’t like how she asks that. I nod.

  “Were you only on the IUD for period issues or was it for birth control?”

  “Just to manage my period. I wasn’t sexually active when I got it since I didn’t even remember my husband at the time, but I am now. Oh god.” My eyes flare and I clasp my hand over my stomach. “Am I pregnant? Did I miscarry? Is that what the cramps were?”

  I stare at my stomach as though I should’ve known I had a baby in there. How do I tell this to Adam? He’ll be devastated. I’m devastated.

  “No. You’re just having your period.”

  I blow out a relieved breath. “Oh, good. I mean, if I was pregnant, that’d be great too. I mean, Adam wants kids. I want kids. We both want kids.” I force myself to stop rambling to allow her to talk.

  Her smile softens and she walks over to me, reaching for my hand. “I received your medical history from Dr. Ramirez’s office. Lucy, has anyone ever told you that you have endometriosis?”

  “What?” I frown.

  “It’s a condition where tissue grows outside your uterus, and sometimes it can block your fallopian tubes. I know you had the accident and you don’t recall this, but Dr. Ramirez met with you and sent you for a hysterosalpingogram test where dye is inserted into your vagina by a catheter. Then X-rays are taken to see where the dye goes. Lucy, your dye didn’t freely go into the abdomen, which means you have blockages in both your tubes.”

  My stomach turns over. “Meaning?”

  “Meaning that in order to conceive, you’d most likely be looking at fertility treatments and probably have to go straight to IVF. The problem with endometriosis is that we can go in and remove it, but it can come back. It leaves you at a high risk for an ectopic pregnancy, which is automatically not a viable pregnancy, plus it’s a potentially life-threatening situation for the mother. Not to mention that if we didn’t catch an ectopic pregnancy in time, you could lose an ovary and a fallopian tube.” She pats my leg. “This is a lot of information for you to get all at once. Do you want me to have Adam come down or call Ethel in?”

  I shake my head, coming out of a fog. “You said Dr. Ramirez told me this?”

  “Yes, but obviously because of your accident, you don’t remember. Now, I suggest just restarting the pill at this point. Let’s have you go home, talk to Adam, then we’ll get back together. There are some great surgeons and fertility treatments available.”

  “What are the chances of them being successful?”

  She sighs. “You need to go through more tests, Lucy. More recent ones. Dr. Ramirez put your endometriosis at stage four. We need to see if surgery is even an option.”

  “How could I have not known this?”

  “Well, you’ve had painful periods and the pills, and the IUD probably helped you with the pain. But sometimes women just don’t feel it. The symptoms come and go, and most chalk it up to a stomach issue rather than a reproductive issue. But we’ll figure this out.”

  “Can I see the notes from Dr. Ramirez?”

  She hems for a moment. “Sure. They haven’t been scanned in yet, so give me a second.”

  She leaves, and thank God Ethel doesn’t try to come in. My phone pings in my purse, but I ignore it, hopping down to get dressed while I wait.

  Stella returns right after I get my second shoe on. I stare at the date on my last visit with Dr. Ramirez and bile rushes up my throat. Last March.

  “Thank you,” I say.

  I walk out of the room, past Ethel and Dori, past the damn waterfall, and once I’m outside, I bend over and throw up in the trash can. I finally have the answer, but it’s far from the one I wanted.

  I tell Ethel and Dori that I’m fine, I just have an upset stomach. On the way home, I hear the agitation in my voice when I have to explain what an IUD is.

  All Ethel says is, “It stays there?”

  They drop me home and I send Adam a message that we’ll talk when he gets home, but that I’m fine.

  Fine should be my new slogan. Just a T-shirt that says “I’m fine” so I can point at it when people ask.

  I go out to the deck and call my mom. She answers on the fifth ring, which means she probably wasn’t going to answer at all but couldn’t help herself.

  “Lucy,” she says as if I’m a telemarketer.

  “Did you know why I left Adam? You did, didn’t you? You purposely kept this from me?”

  “Luce,” she says in the same way she has every time she’s hidden something from me.

  “Tell me!” I scream. “I have a right to know. Did you know that’s why I left him?”

  She’s silent.

  “There’s my answer. How could you ever call yourself a mother? How could you let me come back here and rekindle things with him, knowing I can’t give him the one thing he wants? Was it just to hurt him? Hurt the Greenes? Hurt me as punishment for staying?” I can’t stop yelling as tears stream down my face.

  All I can envision is despair and disappointment in the hazel eyes I love so much.

  “I told you to come home. I didn’t want you up there, but you were defiant like always. What was I to do?”

  “Tell me! Tell me y
ou knew why I left, so at the very least I could’ve told him before we fell back in love.” I hate saying we fell back in love, because in my mind, I’ve always loved him.

  “If he really loves you, Lucy, he’ll understand this is out of your control.”

  “Mom!” I shake my head, unable to talk to her with the rage simmering through my veins. “I never want to talk to you again.” I click end call.

  Sitting on the patio chair, I bury my head in my hands. How on earth do I tell this to Adam? Explain why I left? Explain that there’s a good chance he’ll never get the large family he always wanted?

  The years of my parents’ own fertility problems come to mind. My mom’s roller coaster of emotions every time she went to the doctor. The false hope that this time might be it. The cost of treatments that put them in debt. My dad never being home because he was working three jobs to try to pay for the treatments. The vision of my mom’s back bruised on both sides as my dad tried to find a spot to poke her again. I close my eyes, understanding why the old Lucy ran. But I’m not sure why she didn’t talk to Adam about it.

  I need my fucking journal.

  I go into the closet and thumb through my journals. But I’ve read everything and there wasn’t anything about us trying to have a baby. Why would Dr. Ramirez even test me for it? After an hour, I come up empty once again. I wish I knew what I had been thinking that day. Why I would leave the only man who could get me through the devastating news?

  For the first time in a long time, all I want to do is bury myself in the bed and wish this was just a nightmare.

  I message Adam that I won’t be fixing dinner and he makes a joke about it being my time of the month. I strip down and put on my pajamas before sliding into bed.

  “Luce,” Adam says, the weight of his body dipping the mattress. “You feeling okay?” He places the back of his hand on my forehead.

  I turn toward him. He’s got his work shirt off, leaving him in his gray undershirt. I stare at him, reaching for him.

  “What is it? You need some pain meds? I stopped at the store. Got you what you used to use and a new heating pad since I may have thrown away your old one.” He winces.