Crushing on the Cop Page 21

  Cristian says nothing and I wait for his calculated words before I can retreat to my room.

  “How long?” he asks.

  “I don’t know.”

  An empty hollow chill fills the late autumn air. “No.”

  “No?” I ask.

  “No. You know what, I’m done.” He slides his palms over his cheeks. “I can’t do this. I can’t keep sitting here like some loser waiting for you to pick me. I did what I did tonight because during the short time we’ve spent together, I fell in love with you. And I guess I’m not the right guy for you because when I love someone I want what’s best for them and I’ll do whatever is in my power to make that happen. It’s not me controlling you, Vanessa, or thinking you can’t handle it on your own. It’s the fact that if we’re together, you don’t have to handle it on your own. You’re not some charity case and I don’t have a savior complex. This is me loving you. It truly is that simple. Ever heard the term I’d take a bullet for you?”

  He doesn’t wait for me to answer and the distance he’s keeping between us somehow feels so thick that we’ll never get back to where we were.

  “Well, I would. I’d take a bullet or wrestle a fucking lunatic who could tear me limb from limb if it meant you were happy and safe. That’s me and I’m done apologizing for who I am. So, you go on inside and keep yourself bottled up in that jar of bulletproof glass because I can’t be with someone who won’t let me love them the only way I know how.”

  Tears prick the corners of my eyes, but I blink them back. “Cristian,” I sigh. “I only asked for time.”

  He takes one step down the stairs and circles back to me. “You know where to find me if you decide you can live with me loving you. Me and you. No bullshit.” He jogs down the stairs and disappears into the dark night.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Vanessa

  I open the back door to four eavesdropping trolls.

  They all pretend they’re looking at the floor molding by the window that’s coming up. Yeah, I don’t buy it.

  “Hey, Van. That was quick.” Lauren is the first to speak. Typical.

  “Shit, Mauro. I totally forgot. We have that thing tonight,” Luca says.

  “Oh crap.” Mauro kisses Maddie quickly on the lips. “I’ll call you later.”

  “Sure. Okay,” Maddie squeaks out and the two men leave through the back door instead of the front.

  I think it’s fair to say that they could’ve just said, we’re on Cristian’s side so we’ll be with him.

  The door shuts and Lauren lays into me immediately, following me to the cupboards. I grab the package of pumpkin spice Oreos that Mrs. Bianco gave me because she heard I loved pumpkin spice and she said she doesn’t bake with pumpkin, and because I haven’t had time to get the real Oreos and I need some form of sugar right now.

  “You’ve completely lost your mind.” Lauren sits down on a stool across from me. Maddie keeps her distance trying to find some articulate advice to give me.

  “It’s none of your business.” I take the Oreos and head upstairs.

  Four footsteps follow me.

  “It is our business because we care about you and you’re about to throw away the first guy you’ve ever loved.”

  I try to slam the door to my room, but Lauren’s hand slaps it and the door springs open again.

  “I don’t love him. I’m about to start siding with Luca, you are crazy.”

  Lauren gives me the finger and flops down on my bed.

  Maddie takes a seat in the chair in front of my vanity. “I think she’s trying to say the first guy you might care for not, you know, not lust.”

  I slip off my high heels, unzip my dress, and disappear into the closet.

  “I lusted Cristian for your information.” I emerge in my panties and bra and head to my dresser.

  “I’m going to keep my lips zipped because you’re hurting,” Maddie says.

  I dig out a pair of yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt, put them on, then sit on the edge of my bed and chomp down on three Oreos. Black crumbs fall to my chest. I guess these things aren’t that bad.

  “Okay, Vanessa, you need to get real right now,” Lauren says beside me.

  Maddie shakes her head at her.

  “What Lauren’s trying to say is that Cristian was just doing what men do. They like to be the hero. They want to take care of you. Just last week, Mauro called the electrician to read him the riot act because the guy was being condescending to me. I had to explain to him that I can handle myself and don’t need him interfering where I’m in charge. He still thinks he did the right thing. Men.” She rolls her eyes.

  “I think—” Lauren tries to speak, but Maddie interrupts her.

  “You seemed really happy with Cristian. Were you?” Maddie asks.

  I finish chewing my cookie which is hard when it feels like there’s a boulder on my chest. “Well…yeah.”

  “But you wouldn’t use the word love?”

  “No!” I balk. How could she even suggest that? I’ve known him for a hot minute. “You guys are failing to realize I didn’t know Cristian in high school. We only met a short time ago.”

  “That doesn’t matter. Love doesn’t really know time.”

  There’s the Maddie I know.

  “You should write for Hallmark.” I shove another Oreo into my mouth.

  “Okay, forget the love thing, but you guys were on your way to something special, don’t you think?” Maddie presses.

  “What do you want to know? I like Cristian. There. I really like Cristian. I let him see me for me—imperfect, flawed parts and all. I thought we had something, yes.” The boulder on my chest feels heavier with my admission.

  “But…”

  “But nothing.” I leave the Oreos on the bed and step over to the window. Our street is dark and I notice a few snowflakes beginning to fall to the ground in the light of the streetlamp.

  Our first snowfall of the season.

  We couldn’t even make it to the first snowfall.

  “Alright Maddie, nice try, it’s my turn.” Lauren sits up on her knees on the mattress like she’s preparing for battle. “Vanessa, get your head out of your ass and see the damn light. Not a lot of guys would put up with all this bullshit. And don’t go putting words in my mouth, you’re worth every ounce of energy Cristian has given to make this work, but now it’s time for you to go the distance. You need to step up. Show him you’re in it to win it. No one is asking you to accept a ring or change your name or be the cowering little Mrs. who follows the Mr.’s orders.”

  “Whatever Lauren, you can’t even admit that you want Luca,” I snip.

  “Want him? I don’t even like him.”

  Maddie and I both shoot her a sympathetic ‘whatever you say’ expression.

  Lauren just rolls her eyes. “I know you’re mad at him and it’s okay to tell him he overstepped, but you have to try to understand where he’s coming from. My guess is that he’s gotten you this far kicking and screaming.”

  I cross my arms over my chest and look up at her a little sullenly, then shrug.

  “You’re always working so hard to keep people out, Van. Imagine what might be possible if you really opened yourself up and let him in.” Lauren lets her statement hang in the air.

  “He decides he doesn’t want me anymore and I end up broken-hearted,” I whisper.

  “You need to decide whether you want him in your life or not,” Maddie adds in a gentle voice. “I have a feeling Cristian doesn’t mess around and he won’t wait forever. You can’t expect him to. The last thing I want is for you to come to your senses and for it to be too late because he’s already with someone else.”

  “Some cute blonde who makes him dinners and makes his bed,” Lauren adds. “One he has hot sex with. One who he plays cops and robbers with.”

  The boulder on my chest feels like it’s rolled down into my stomach at the thought of Cristian with someone else. “Lauren,” I sigh.

  “Do you
guys play that?” she asks, getting off topic. “If I were dating a cop I’d be all over it. I totally get it if that’s your thing.”

  “Shut up.” I stare out the window, the snow mesmerizing me and all I can think is that I wish Cristian were here to share it with me, his arms around my waist, his chin resting on my shoulder.

  “We’ll leave you alone now.” Maddie stands to leave and drags Lauren off the bed by the arm.

  They leave and I don’t move from the window. I glance over at the Oreos his mom gave me, and I think about if I was working with Bill right now. How miserable that would have been. Several minutes pass and then my phone beeps so I grab it off my nightstand.

  Dad: I have some stuff of Mom’s I wanted to bring over.

  I click the home screen and there’s the picture of me and Cristian. From the race. When was the last time I felt that happy? Looking back, I feel the smile that never left my warm face from the sun. How happy we were. How at peace my body was. How everything made sense in my life.

  Darn it all to hell. They’re right. I can’t let him slip away because of my stupid pride or my fear of rejection. Some things, some people, are worth the risk.

  I swing the door open and Maddie and Lauren are standing along the wall, Maddie swinging her keys around her finger. “Time?”

  “Time.” I nod and they run to me, jumping and down screaming. “Okay, but let’s go before he finds that other blonde,” I say.

  “How about I drive?” Lauren says, running down the stairs first.

  “I’d like to get there in one piece.”

  We rush out the back door and race across the yard, the snow falling onto us, and get into Maddie’s car.

  “Wait I don’t know where he is?” I say, panic pricking my stomach.

  Maddie glances over at with a ‘come on’ expression. “It pays to date your best friend’s fiancé’s brother.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Vanessa

  Maddie slowly backs out of the garage, presses the button on the opener again and watches the metal door until it’s almost closed. Then she shifts from gear to gear until the D lights up.

  “MADDIE!” I yell.

  “What?” She looks over at me as we’re in the middle of the alley.

  “I’d like to hurry this up before he has time to convince himself that he’s better off without me.”

  “First off, I almost ran over a stray cat the other day. Second, Cristian knows you’re the woman,” she says.

  Finally, putting her foot on the gas, we move forward down the dark alley and she turns right to get back on to our street. Even though I can’t drive, I kind of wish my hands were on the steering wheel. Then again, I’d probably drive into the side of the Warner’s garage.

  “Maddie, I get the whole safety of animals thing and that Cristian is probably not even to his apartment yet but, come on,” Lauren adds her two cents in from the back seat.

  “Maybe you’d like to drive?” Maddie says, looking at Lauren in the rearview mirror.

  “Perfect. Pull over.”

  “I think Vanessa would like to be alive and unharmed when she tells Cristian—”

  “Nope. Don’t say it,” I warn her with a finger. “I don’t.”

  “OKKKAAAYYY.” Maddie turns away from Irving Park Road which means it’ll add on extra minutes to the drive. Minutes that I don’t want to add, but having no license and no car means I’m at her mercy.

  Her phone dings on her console and she takes a quick peek at it before setting it back down with a small smile on her face.

  I sit back and try to be appreciative that she’s driving, but when she pulls up along the curb in the front of our house, I lose my self-control.

  “MAD!”

  She laughs, parks and takes the keys out of the ignition.

  “What are you doing?” I turn to face her, my back to the window.

  “Brilliant,” Lauren says from the back seat.

  “What are you British now?” My head twists sharply in Lauren’s direction.

  Her finger points out the window and her smile would make you think she just screwed Chris Hemsworth.

  “What?” I shift my gaze to the window and if a heart could soar out of a chest, mine would be lifting me to the clouds.

  Cristian stands at our front door, his hands in his pockets. His two brothers are at the bottom of staircase talking.

  Maddie honks and all three heads turn in our direction. “Whoops. My hand slipped.” She shrugs.

  Even with only the brightness of our porch light, I see the relief in Cristian’s eyes. He jogs down the steps until he’s halfway and jumps over the rod iron railing to the sidewalk, not stopping until he’s outside the car.

  “This is where you tell him everything.” Lauren’s hand touches my shoulder. “Don’t hold back, Van.”

  He doesn’t open my door, but his gaze stays locked on me through the window. With a deep breath and a burst of courage, I open the door and step out, shutting it behind me to keep Lauren inside.

  Which doesn’t work all that great because the car doors on the opposite side open and my two friends speak in hushed whispers as they head to the house.

  “Hey.” I’m looking down admiring my shuffling feet.

  He bridges the gap, places his finger under my chin, and I meet his gaze. His deep brown to my bright blue. The anger from an hour ago is absent, replaced with the admiration that usually shines through.

  “I’m sorry,” he says.

  “No, I am. You’re right—I haven’t met you halfway.”

  “You have. I should’ve given you more time. You’ve had a rough road and I know I can’t change all that in a few weeks.” His hand drops from my chin and my body chills from not having his touch.

  We stand inches apart from one another and as much as I want us to be flush together, I have to put my big girl panties on and admit how I feel.

  “This.” I wag a finger between us. “I’m in. I care about you.”

  A smirk emerges. I haven’t really seen Cristian smirk a lot. Smile. Yes. Grin? Yes. Smirk, not so much and it’s sexy just like every other facial expression of his.

  “Care for me?” He raises his eyebrows.

  My shoulders deflate. “Yes. You know what I mean.” The words I’m really trying to say feel like sandpaper in my windpipe.

  He wraps his arm around my back, pulling me to him. My hands splayed on his chest.

  “So you forgive me?”

  I nod. “But more than that, I understand why you did it.”

  He stares down at me, the smirk disappearing and I know there’s something serious going on in that head of his right now. “I’ll apologize for surprising you by hopping in the car, but I won’t apologize for helping you. That’s me, Van. I’ll always protect you. But I’ll always support you, too. I don’t see it as exerting control over you. It’s what you do when you…care…for someone.” The smirk reappears. “I just want you to understand that before we end this fight with a kiss and some hot make up sex.”

  I dip my head and chuckle into his chest, then meet his gaze again. “I understand, I’m just scared…about how much I feel for you, about how vulnerable that makes me. So when I thought you disregarded my feelings and were trying to control the situation, I was upset.” My arms entwine around his neck.

  “It’s not that. It’s just you’re everything to me and I’m a cop for fuck’s sake. It’s in my blood to protect. And when it’s the person I…care for, that urge is even stronger.”

  I inch closer, rising to my tiptoes. “You care for me?”

  “Very much.”

  “Do one thing you weren’t planning on doing tonight?” I ask him, my lips millimeters away from his.

  His fingertips dig into my hips and I don’t think we’ll make it back to his apartment.

  “Are you making me work for another date?”

  “No, you’ve got me.”

  He kisses my forehead. “I think this time you should do one thing you
weren’t planning on doing if you want to ditch these guys and go back to my apartment.”

  “Well.” I tighten my arms around him.

  “I’m kidding. Come on. I want you away from spying eyes.” He breaks us apart and his hand finds mine, leading me away from Maddie’s car to his.

  I blame Cupid. Who would’ve known that little man in a diaper had such power? Because just like that, I’m ready.

  “Officer Bianco,” I call out and his feet stop, turning his attention back to me.

  It only takes him a second to figure out what I’m doing—taking us back to that night at the bonfire.

  “Miss Flanagan?” He steps into me.

  “You want me to do one thing I didn’t think I was going to do tonight?”

  His hands cup my cheeks and he brings us chest to chest, heartbeat to heartbeat because he knows. “More than anything,” he whispers.

  My hands cover his on my face and I lock eyes with the man who makes me the happiest I’ve ever been. “I love you.”

  The smile of all smiles brightens his face. “About damn time.”

  Then I smile like I will on my wedding day and the day I have a small piece of Cristian bundled in my arms. The same one I’ll have on our fiftieth anniversary and every day in between because the man in front of me isn’t my savior, he’s my rock.

  Epilogue

  Cristian

  I slide behind Vanessa on the kitchen floor, pulling her into my body exactly where she was meant to fit.

  “Watching it bake?” I ask.

  She giggles like the little girl she’s acting like. It’s endearing.

  “I remember doing this when I was a kid. I was always so eager for the cake to be done, I’d watch it rise.”

  I kiss her shoulder and lean my back against the cabinets of the breakfast island. “Thanks for letting me be part of it.”